Monday, May 2, 2011

Elgin Home Companion

So, say you've decided to visit Elgin after hearing about all the wonderful things it has to offer. Where are you going to go? Certainly not a hotel! Brethren are such humble, welcoming people that surely you could find some way to stay without wasting money on an isolated bedroom. I mean, take it from the big wigs - oh wait, nevermind. And there goes my argument against limos too.

Well, anyway, say you're visiting Elgin and you're cheap; where would you stay? There are many people from Highland Avenue CoB that would welcome a friend of BVS, but no one can top the Elgin Inn, the Highland Avenue Hostel, the BVS house!


Let's take a tour!



   The first thing you may notice about the house is that it is HUGE. There are many myths about its origin: Some say it was a manor for well-to-do residents of Elgin at the turn of the century. Others claim it descended from Heaven to answer the General Board's prayer for volunteer housing. I think it was built by M.C. Escher during his brief stint as a construction worker. The door on the left is not the front door. Don't use it. The front door is quite a bit more inviting.
   Did I mention the house is big? Oh look, a big white van to go with it! And another door that isn't the front door.
   Porch swings make everything better, but usually only during the three months it's warm enough to be outside. Brooms also make things better. Come inside!
   Inside, first on your left you have the guest room. This spacious room features a beautiful view of Highland Ave, a large luscious greenery tended by paid staff, and offers three comfortable beds for the family that enjoys staying together when visiting a creepy old house.
    Past the welcome desk we have the arts room - a piano, violin, and guitar for anyone wanting to let loose or mess around without judgment. Beyond the arts room is the 1st floor liason's office - Don.

   
   Up the stairs are our economy suites. To the left, the delightfully named "closet room," which, ironically, does not have a closet! It does, however, have a box window with a glorious view to the north.

On the right is the "carpet room," which, given the previous room's unfortunate name, may make you think it does not have carpet. That is where you are wrong! We have no naming convention! It is the product of our latest renovations. Formerly the "smelly room" or "bad room," we are pleased to offer the new "carpet room," which is also the honorary Dana Beth suite. It offers not one, not two, but three closets, including one for our special NBA guests. Another feature of the carpet room is carpet! We might still be working the kinks out of the door, but don't worry, if you lock yourself in by accident, we can send you food through the transom window. Don't worry, I didn't know that word until I lived here a year.
   Past the guest suites is the community kitchen, where your hosts will prepare meals and snacks are available in the off-hours. That creepy passage isn't to a dungeon, it's a bathroom! Hooray! Fun!
   The colorful door over here is Jeremy's room, where he can oversee the yard work and listen for ambulances. He'll be the first to arise and help you if you enter the kitchen - because he can hear every step you make! Hooray! Creepy!
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   On the other side of the kitchen is the lounge, with a full 2.2 couches. Feel free to choose from our broad array of card and board games. While we cannot offer live television, Carol's DVD collection is just a few steps away.
   Carol's room is the control center of the operation. She can open the attic for crazy fun parties, let you out the secret side door, and offer you duct tape. She also has a lot of Steelers' gear, if you're in to that.
   Down the secret staircase and you arrive in the secondary kitchen. Recently fumigated for a horrible bacterial problem, it probably doesn't smell so bad anymore, and is available for emergency sleeping and storing of miscellaneous foods. It also houses the linen closet, where you can stand in awe of our massive selection of sheets, blankets, and shower curtains.
   Through the curtain and you arrive at your final host's, Clara's room. Here you can be amazed at the single largest collection of Virginia Tech sports photos, and allow your heart to turn a little more orange. Her room also offers a walk-in closet, which doubles as sleeping quarters for unruly children.
(pause to regain composure)
   You may have asked yourself "Why was Don using a wooden spoon and a shoe box in the toilet? Was it clogged?" A resounding no! Clara found a mouse yesterday! It was caught and released into the yard before church.
I don't know about you, but I check the toilet every time now.
   Down the steps and you arrive at the laundry facilities (not pictured). Pictured: Crutches. Cross to the front of the building, and you've arrived back at the beginning! It's like labyrinth in real life, but without David Bowie!
   The storage room contains all kinds of leftover "goodies" that no one has had the sense to "throw out." These include empty paint buckets, bicycles with flat tires, and posters with the Chik-Fil-A cow. The final room in the house is the game room, with ping pong as the currently featured option. Choose one of four high quality paddles and aim for the stars! (but watch out for the beams overhead).

I hope you enjoy your stay!
-Don

5 comments:

  1. Thanks for the thorough tour, Don. Don't know about the hospitality however...for some odd reason you didn't like the mousie-guest and put it out in the yard? What will you do to other visitors?!

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  2. That has to be the cleanest I have ever seen that house.

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  3. a ping pong table?! jealous.

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  4. @ Colorful Heart - I fear that if the other visitors decide to take residence in the toilet, Don may have no choice but to excommunicate them to the yard! Don, if your Mom and I come to visit, we will leave all accommodations up to you.
    Love ya man

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