It’s finally spring here in Elgin. Flowers are blooming, birds are singing, children are playing in the streets, and I can finally go outside without having to bundle up first. Oh yes, spring is here.
Inspired by the warmer weather, I cleaned out my room at the BVS house a couple weeks ago. With the cool breeze coming in through the open windows I sorted through the piles of papers, clothes, shoes, and scarves strewn about. Then I went through every single drawer, nook, and cranny to decide if I really needed that thing. All this was done while listening to the wonderful Jason Mraz, who Rachel listed lyrics for a couple weeks ago for her blog.
Listening to his music brought back a lot of memories from college, when his music was quite popular. My friends and I would listen to his music as we zipped away from State College to drive to Whipples Dam. Whipples was our ‘beach’. I use quotations because if you go there it’s a manmade lake with a little roped off swimming section and some sand. But when you’re stuck in the middle of Pennsylvania, Whipples, is a site to behold.
When we arrived at the ‘beach’ we would troop over to the sand and find a spot not too close to other college students. Lay down, read magazines, sun bathe and if we were feeling particularly adventurous we would actually go into the water.
As my mind switched back and forth between sun bathing and whether or not I should keep these poppers from Chinese New Year, I started remembering many other things from college that hadn’t been so pleasant. In fact, it put me in a debbie downer kind of mood and while brooding in my room, I had had enough. I went over to my computer and typed into Google, “Mental Spring Cleaning”. One of the first search results that popped up was this site:
http://reflectionsinverse.blogspot.com/2011/04/mental-spring-cleaning-clear-clutter-in.html
It’s a blog post written by someone suggesting different ways to clean out the clutter in your head. The writer gives seven suggestions for clearing. I’ve shortened them here, but if you want to read the full descriptions, refer to the site I put in above.
1. Clean out the anger, hatred, jealousy, and self doubt.
2. Wash away delay and procrastination.
3. Dust off your attitude and put on a fresh coat of positivity.
4. Throw out misunderstandings, and lack of patience.
5. Lighten up your life with humor and fun.
6. Open the windows of your mind to new ideas and a fresh perspective on living a happier, better, and easier life. Change takes action.
7. And finally: Enjoy the person you are.
Sounds simple enough right? I thought so at first, but then starting with number one, I tried a little exercise we had done at spiritual direction previously. First you think about someone you know very well and love very much. Pray for them. Then you think about a person that you don’t know so well, an acquaintance. Pray for them the same things you prayed for the person you love. Finally think of a person you really can’t stand and are not friends with at all. Pray for them the same things you prayed for the person you love.
After thinking about that process I realized I was stuck at number one on the mental cleaning list. Not a good way to start. So I skipped it and went to the last 6 and have been working on those for the past couple weeks. I found that I could do these things with great ease, which made me happy! But now it’s back to that number one. The things that trip me up are cleaning out the anger and self doubt.
I’m not an angry person, but things happen and stick with you and it’s hard to shake those emotions. The self doubt bit started in high school with a couple cruel comments from a classmate. Don’t worry, I dished it back to him at the time (I was no pansy) but after those comments I always wondered, what if he was right? Maybe I’m not as smart as I should be…
This year in BVS has helped me to come to grips with the past and work on bettering myself mentally and spiritually. I’ve realized now that those words in high school were just that: words. They held no malice or ill will towards me and I’ve just shaped and molded them over time and used them to hide behind. This is a notice to myself that I’m kicking all that aside. No more anger or self doubt. It’s going to be hard, but sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. And I need to do this. Anyone else out there with me?
Jason Mraz will forever have a little place in my heart for those good times. And now those Chinese poppers will always have a little place in my soul to remind me of my healing and cleaning.
Rock on.
Cat
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